SUNDAY 26TH MAY 2019

USING THE SAME TECHNOLOGY THE JAPANESE EMPLOY TO BREED SQUARE WATERMELONS (SERIOUSLY, THEY DO: APPARENTLY IT MAKES THEM EASIER TO PACK AS THEY’RE STACKABLE IN THIS SHAPE - CLEVER, EH? - ALTHOUGH THE JURY SEEMS TO BE OUT ON THAT), A COMPANY IN THE US HAS INVENTED GOURD-SEED EMBEDDED, PLANTABLE COFFEE CUPS THAT GROW ON TREES - VIA A RATHER IMPRESSIVE NO SUCH THING AS A FISH EPISODE TAG TEAM OF DAN SCHREIBER AND (A STILL NO LONGER EGGSHAPED) JAMES HARKIN. #GOODOLDSCIENCE, EH?

AND

“IF YOU’RE A MAN, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GET MARRIED; IF YOU’RE A WOMAN, DON’T BOTHER.” SPEAKING AT THIS YEAR’S HAY FESTIVAL, BEHAVIOURAL SCIENTIST PAUL DOLAN (WHO, I MIGHT ADD, IS ONE SERIOUSLY COOL LOOKING DUDE) CONFIRMED THAT (AS WE’VE ALL LONG SUSPECTED, BUT NOW #GOODOLDSCIENCE - WHICH I MUST SAY, IS VERY MUCH DOING ITS BIT FOR TODAY’S #LIFELESSONS - HAS GONE AND BACKED IT UP) UNMARRIED AND CHILDLESS WOMEN ARE NOT ONLY THE HAPPIEST SUBGROUP IN THE POPULATION, BUT LIKELY TO LIVE LONGER THAN THEIR MARRIED AND CHILD-REARING PEERS. “THE HEALTHIEST AND HAPPIEST POPULATION SUBGROUP ARE WOMEN WHO NEVER MARRIED OR HAD CHILDREN”: BLISSFULLY, ECSTATICALLY, EXTRAORDINARILY SO - VIA THE BRILLIANT SIAN CAIN FOR THE GUARDIAN (C/O, WITH CITATION FROM, THE IRRE-FUCKING-PRESSIBLE CINDY GALLOP)